Hello all. I’m getting into the home stretch here – stretch being the exact right word. Just wanted to update you on how my pregnancy is going so far.
First trimester: lots of nausea. That basically sums it up. The only thing getting me through it was that people told me that that second trimester is wonderful and to hold out for that. So I waited and, by golly, it was!
Second trimester: sweet bliss. I got my appetite back for everything, including all those quarantine baked goods. My energy level went up and I was feeling alive again!
Third trimester: not terrible. I was starting to get a little uncomfortable with my belly stretching, peeing in the middle of the night, getting a little more tired here and there but nothing I couldn’t manage. Then came . . . THE GLUCOSE TEST.
I went in feeling confident because I was feeling so well and honestly I’ve never known anyone really to fail it so what could I be afraid of? You know what’s coming here. FAILED. Ok, awesome. So what now?
Yeah, you have to go in for a 3 hour test where you take the sugary wonderful orange drink at the beginning and they take your blood 4 times. This time Brittany wasn’t feeling super confident. I heard them say my last number before I left so I went home and googled it and it was slightly too high.
I got a call the next day with my results. FAILED. At all 4 blood draws. You have gestational diabetes.
Again, what now? Well now I had to go see a diabetes educator who could talk to be about checking my blood sugar levels and diet and exercise. I have to count carbs (only have a certain amount for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and my snacks) and walk for 20-30 minutes a day and check your blood sugar 4 times a day. Yes, that means pricking your finger. With a needle. 4 times a day.
Here we go. Next stage is to do these things for a week and see if through diet and exercise your levels can go down without having to take insulin.
So, a little bit about me is I’m a rule-follower. Especially when it comes to something my doctor told me. So I am counting those carbs to the decimal, I’m tracking every bit of water I’m taking in, I’m setting timers for when I need to take my blood sugar. I’m recording my numbers in two different books and one app and I’ve got everything color coordinated.
What does this do? Nothing.
I give them my numbers a week later and they say, “your numbers are supposed to be in range at least 70% of the time and yours are only about 55%.” Awesome. I meet with another diabetes educator and get on insulin.
Here’s where I’m at today: I just started my insulin shots and I’m still counting all my numbers and color coding everything. I won’t know if this will help for a few days and they might just have to up my insulin intake or I’ll take it more frequently. I will have to up it eventually because they said this whole thing gets worse as your pregnancy goes along!
This has been a little tough on me, I’m not going to lie. I was really getting used to the freedom of eating whatever I want and just living my best preggo life. Not only do I feel chained down by something I also feel completely responsible for everything. Before you go and yell at me, I know it’s the hormones and it’s not every pregnancy and it’s literally not anything I can control. But it’s really difficult not to blame yourself when it’s your own body.
I’ve had lots of emotions going through this. First of all, non pregnant me already has many many feels. Pregnant me has more plus all those irrational crazy ones. So by throwing something like this my way has really turned my world upside down. I thought I could be stronger than this. I thought I could deal with anything that came my way. I had a plan in my mind how things would play out and this was not on my list of things to do.
I just have all the WHYS. Why me? When I’ve never heard of anyone close to me having gestational diabetes. Why now? When this is my first pregnancy and I’m already learning so much and this is chucked on top of everything. And why can’t I just DEAL? So much worse things could be happening to me. Why do I feel the need to complain and put my self down and go crazy over counting and feel ashamed and embarrassed to even tell my family?
I don’t have answers to these whys. But here’s what I do have and here is what I’m learning:
- This is not your fault.
- This happens to so many people and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
- This will go away after the baby is born.
- After you make it though this, you get to hold and care for your child.
- God has a plan for everything and He will only give you what you can handle.
- You are stronger than you think you are.
Is this still hard? Absolutely. It’s something that is for NOW. Not forever. I hope that if you have gotten this diagnosis that you can hear these words and know right along with me that you are not alone. You are treasured and special are exactly where you need to be.
These words, again, could be more for me to hear than anyone else, but someone needs to say them.
As I write this I have 7 weeks left until my due date. I can do this! If this is what it takes to have a healthy and happy baby then this is what I’m going to do. Breathe in. Breathe out. You’ve got this.
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